GREEN LANTERN.

A test pilot receives a mystical green ring that grants him otherworldly powers, as well as membership into an intergalactic squadron tasked with keeping peace within the universe.

DIRECTED BY: MARTIN CAMPBELL   (<—remember this)

SCREENPLAY : Greg Berlanti, Michael Green, Marc Guggenheim, Michael Goldenberg,

STARS: Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sargaard

If your wondering why I have finally put movie ‘Credits’ at the beginning of this article when all my other movie reviews have none, well its because they aren’t credits. Above is the answer to the question ‘how many people does it take to butcher yet another innocent comic book classic.’ You’d think with that many writers you might get something even remotely resembling dialogue out of this single ply screen adaptation.

While I admit that creating a concise movie which is 98% blue screen would be a tricky feat, by the end of this flick you will be wondering just who was supposed to be in charge when the storyline was accidently dropped in the potato salad on day one of shooting, and never seen again.

The characters in this movie (Lead characters, antagonists, minor characters, i’m not being specific here) lack anything at all beneath the surface. They are basic, functional shells that deliver their confusing plot nuggets and vanish, leaving us wondering if we are supposed to care about them or not. Even the Green Lantern himself seems to have stolen half of his back-story straight from Maverick, lead character of ‘Top Gun’. (Father dies in plane crash, and character often chokes during high pressure missions – sound familiar?)

The rest of the plot is just plain amusing, at least that’s how I decided to take it. (It was that or get my rage on).

Paralax, the antagonist of the tale was once a fairly nice guy by the sounds of it. He was one of the Guardians who shaped and protected the universe using the green power of ‘will’ (Yes the dialogue is that simple), until one day he decides the best way to defend the galaxy is to use the arguably stronger power of ‘fear’. (Just reminding you there were 4 screenwriters for this.)

This biggest laughing stock of the movie is an indigestible scene which comes not long after this explanation of the evil doer’s fall from grace, in which the so-called brilliant leader of the Lanterns decides out of nowhere that the only way to defeat the evil Paralax must be (you guessed it) to use the same power of ‘fear’ against him. Now I’m not kidding, 2 minutes before this epiphany we JUST HEARD how ‘fear’ turned the last do gooder into a galaxy destroying menace. What’s more, this plan is agreed upon by all the wise Guardians in about 30seconds. If your brain was a nutsack this is the equivalent of the writers kicking you in it. (all of them, one after another, with steel capped work boots.)

So what did this movie have going for it? The 3D did not have me confused and clawing at my eyeballs, but it still did not really add much beyond some spacey looking cities and planet scenes. The Green Lantern Power Ring effects were baffling (wheels on a helicopter to stop it crashing? Just stupid) and did not live up to the hype. In short this new installation of the Lantern series should have been snuffed out long before it made it to our screens.

DATE FACTOR = 9/10

Lets face it if you decide to spend two hours necking with your mrs/mr you wont be missing anything…………….NOT A DAMN THING!.

FANBOY FACTOR  = 1/10

Only see this movie with a friend, and only if that friend happens to be a raving comic book lunatic. Just to watch the whimpering lower lip and red eyes as they fight back the tears. (each one a little death for their inner child)

OVERALL    1.5/5 stars

Warning: If you are going to see this movie,  take along a mild defibrillator or some jumper cables to restart your brain. The two hour sleep this movie induces can be hard to shake afterwards.